The Self-Centered Seller: Why Talking About Yourself Isn’t Enough in Relationships or Business

You know, I’ve been thinking about how often business principles sneak their way into other parts of life—especially relationships. It might sound funny at first, but hear me out: in a way, we’re all sellers and negotiators by nature. Even if we think marketing and selling are just for the professional world, we use those same skills every day in how we connect with others.

Take relationships, for example. I’ve noticed there are these “seller” types when it comes to love and friendships, and one of them really stands out to me. Let’s call it the “self-centered seller.” This is the person who approaches a potential partner or friend and goes, “Hey, look at me! Here’s what I like, what I do, my goals, my family, my hobbies…” And they just keep going. It’s all about them.

Now, don’t get me wrong—sharing about yourself is important. But with this type, there’s no balance. If there’s a problem in the relationship, they’re the first to say, “Well, I’m great. You’re the one who messed up.” They miss the mark because they don’t take a moment to step into the other person’s shoes, to show care or understanding.

And here’s the thing—they often wonder why their relationships don’t last. Why they struggle to maintain deep friendships or meaningful connections. The answer is simple: they’re not showing the “buyer” (aka the other person) what’s in it for them.

Think about it like this: if someone tries to sell you a product and all they do is talk about its features—“It’s made of metal, it’s from the Netherlands, it has four buttons”—but they never explain how it will make your life better, would you buy it? Probably not, right? You need to hear, “This product will save you time, make your life easier, or solve a problem you’ve been struggling with.”

Relationships work the same way. If you’re only focused on talking about yourself—your achievements, your goals, your life—you’re missing the most important part: showing the other person why you being in their life benefits them. What value are you bringing to the table?

Because here’s the truth: life is full of transactions. Now, I don’t mean that in a cold, calculated way, but think about it. We don’t invest time, energy, or emotions without expecting something in return. Whether it’s love, support, laughter, security—there’s always an exchange happening. And that’s not selfish—it’s human nature.

So, if you’re trying to build a strong relationship, you can’t just talk about yourself. You have to let the other person see how their life will be better with you in it. It’s not about bragging; it’s about creating a connection that feels meaningful to both sides.

At the end of the day, nobody wants to invest in something—or someone—that feels useless to their life, especially people who are very aware of their own needs and goals. Relationships, like anything else, thrive on balance. So sure, talk about yourself, but don’t forget to show them how being with you brings something beautiful and valuable to their world.