Be the Mirror: How Understanding Needs Builds Trust in Relationships and Business

Okay, let’s talk about the fourth type of “salespeople” in relationships—the master manipulators, but the really smart ones. These are the people who use a very clever strategy: they act like a mirror. They reflect back everything about the other person—the good, the bad, the flaws, and even potential solutions. It’s like they’re saying, “I see you, I understand you, and I’m here to help.”

Now, in sales, this technique is incredibly powerful because it shows that you’re not just focused on pushing your product. Instead, you’re obsessed with solving your customer’s problem. The customer feels like they matter more than the product itself, like the product exists purely to serve them. And honestly? It works just as well in relationships.

When someone in a relationship uses this strategy, they’re super aware of who their partner is—what they love, what they hate, their strengths, their weaknesses, everything. They’re not just there to smooth over every bump in the road or fix every issue. They’re focused on one specific thing they can do to make the other person’s life better. And they’re good at it.

Here’s the key: you can’t solve all of someone’s problems. In sales or in love, that’s just not realistic. Nobody’s going to fix their partner’s emotional struggles, financial stress, career hurdles, and personal insecurities all at once. We’re all human, and we all have our own stuff to deal with. How can we promise to solve someone else’s life when we’re still working on our own?

That’s why this approach is so powerful. It’s not about over-promising or pretending you’re some superhero who can do it all. It’s about being honest and saying, “Here’s what I can do. I’m good at this. I can help you here.” And at the same time, it’s about knowing what you need from the other person in return—because it goes both ways.

Think of it like this: in sales, you learn everything about your customer—what keeps them up at night, what problem they’re desperate to solve—and you focus on fixing that one thing. You don’t try to solve everything under the sun; you hone in on what you’re best at. The same applies to relationships. You take the time to understand your partner, not just the fun, easy parts but also the messy, complicated parts. Then you figure out where you can genuinely help them—and where they can help you.

Now, here’s the catch: this only works if you’re honest with yourself about what you can offer. You can’t promise to fix something you don’t even understand. Like, if someone has a boat problem, you’d better actually know about boats if you’re going to offer a solution. If you don’t, you’re just making empty promises, and that’s a recipe for disappointment—both in sales and in love.

It’s also about balance. You can’t go to the other extreme and say, “I have my problems, you have yours, let’s just deal with them separately.” That’s not how relationships work. We’re human. We need connection, support, and communication. The trick is knowing where you can genuinely help and showing up for your partner in those moments.

So, whether it’s a relationship or a sales pitch, it’s about being real, being aware, and building trust. You’re not there to solve everything, but you’re there to make a difference where you can—and that’s what counts.